wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
