If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
