im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
