Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
