So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize