Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As shirtless as possible
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
