Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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