Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
