planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
