I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
