Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
