awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
