you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
