i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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