so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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