youre lurking in front of me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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