I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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