Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
