All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
