she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
sick fucks of a feather flock together
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
