dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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