dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
