I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
nutella sex= disaster
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
