Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
