I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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