Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
