dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
