I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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