About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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