there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
