a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
