I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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