Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
