Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
