Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
