I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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