Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize