I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
