Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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