So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
