Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
