he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love having hate sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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