At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dear god my vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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