Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
