he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
