Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
