before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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