I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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