i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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