Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
