Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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