i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
