smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
