Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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