there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
