God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
