I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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