I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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