I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
