I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
