Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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