you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
