Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
