Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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