please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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