I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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