I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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