We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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