He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
