there's paper in my vomit.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my being single is dangerous.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
