My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The air was thick with penises
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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