My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
