Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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