guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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